When sharing isnt wanted...

This is a #firstworldproblem, but really its a throughout time problem. My family has been sharing the stomach bug since last Saturday. First it was my daughter, then son, now me, and round out the family, their dad/my husband. (*I actually think its great that I have to distinguish that.)

Contagious- Gastrointestinal Flu- And we (*the adults) even had our flu shots. I can track our unfriendly visit of the "Flu bug". To my daughters 3rd grade class. While some parents will wiggle with the schools, Fever of 99.5 and above, as well as 24 Full hours with OUT a vomiting episode. As a SAHM I can be here when they need to stay home.

So My daughter started to throw-up Saturday night after a day complaining of her belly hurting. That was fine, I kept her hydrated with Tea, and soft foods that are part of the BRATS diet. Yet Sunday hour 22 she vomited again, so I emailed the school, and let them know she would miss Monday. Monday night, more puke.. So no school. Her brother didnt go to school Monday for a different reason, his meds for some of his ASD issues had him in a zombie state, yeah his belly hurt to, but I thought it was for sympathy. Tuesday he has a Bad  day but on a scale of 1-10 i would give it a 7. And thats saying alot he has a LOT of 9-12 days.

So wednesday, both kids have sick notes for school and finally they look like they are both on the mend. YIPPIE- Turkey day with friends still as planned.

But that is when. . . i start to feel it...5hrs after me, their dad...

How quickly, can your body remember the last time it was sick. Last time it was like this, a while...

our daughter was healthy, as the standards go, so she asked to go to a family members house, and we said sure. last thing I want is to get her sick again. 

Yet, here I was, unable to sit or walk, I was crawling or just a total drain on my energy, I would give up and just lay on the floor. He and I were both like this, we would trade off with the recliner, the bed, and cold spots on the floor when our energy drained.

But here is the amazing heart warming part. Our son, who has ASD, (Asperger's), he has been taking care of us. running around the house to bring us motrin, water, blankets, a bucket when we cant make it to the bathroom. he is loving on us, just like we do with anyone who doesnt feel good.

How can the school see this child as a problem, defiant, manipulative... When I swear its the school that brings this out of him.

anyway back   to my first world problems...
my family was sick, *universal problem

But we have sanitation, running water, warm clothes, and insurance incase we need togo to the Doctor, as well as medicine to help our aches and pains.
We have each other, we have the day of *Thanksgiving* to not worry about work, and to be home to let it run its course.
we have food to eat that is recommended for our flu, and not just what we can scrounge. And
our son, has had no behavior issue, instead he has decided to take care of us- his parents.
our daughter, is healthy and with family so we dont have to worry about her.
Yeah, when I start to feel good I wish I wasn't contagious, but then I am glad that I could even consider that...because I can see why people die of the flu.. it sucks.

A healing journey

I am in art therapy, for my war trauma. I use War trauma  instead of PTSD, because of all the connotations that people have when they hear about PTSD... but I don't want to be defined by a label like that. Ironic because, I become this hermit, and avoid life during the hard months. The anxiety, the Deep Dark places that Depression takes me, panic attacks over small details that I have no control over, then there is the empty feeling, and feelings of worthlessness as well a guilt. HAHA-fun right.... Wrong.. Today I went back to bed once I got one of my kids on the bus, the other has been gross and vomiting for the last 4 days, (* Gross stomach bug), I made sure she was ok, had some Tylenol for her low grade fever, made her some toast, and hot tea with honey,  she already knew how to use the tv remote.. and I went to bed. I was done, exhausted, my lack of energy isnt even an issue, its so much of a nonissue, because those around me know I've already given up for the next 4-6 months anyway. 

Anyway to get back on topic, of why I started this blog when I have countless journals, and notebooks full of my writings... is my art therapist.

While I receive a service connection rating from the VA, i pay for art therapy out of pocket. Mostly because it has been the only way I could express myself when words failed me. I still take my meds, and wow they are always adjusting my meds. I still go to group, and to individual counseling.

I say words fail me, because a few days after my birthday (I shaved 90% of my head on my birthday), I spiraled out and I self-committed myself to the VA Psych ward. I couldnt stop crying. I was scaring my kids, I had used up all emotional reserves, I was stuck in fight/flight/freeze.. I only wanted to live to not put my kids through that. A few days prior I had my C&P exam to be reevaluated for my War Trauma, and its effects that its been having on my life. the effects the for 10 years only seem to compound each year. Art... art therapy is what is helping me keep my head above water.

Again, I drift away, but my Art therapist, listened to me talk about all that is and was going on in the last 2 to 3 weeks. All that was over whelming me and making me live at a constant 12 on a scale of 1-10.  And she asked me to make a pie... showing who and how I spend my time and day. What gets my attention and what doesn't. Its been a week, since that appointment. My kids are both sick, my husband might be getting what they are getting... and I dont sleep, just so I can have time for myself to process my day (s)..

Some days like today I stay in bed or go back to bed.. I know some will think I am lazy, but others, they will know.. They will understand the places that those unseen illness take you and how hard it is to get yourself to do just basic things.

My pie, hasnt been made, but my ideas are finally there. My plate.. my clock.. my day.. my calendar, all of it is... The things I spend my energy on, like my children, my pets, basic family errands, and appointments.. but the big thing is Advocating... for Veterans.

On the good days, I use my bad days to remind me that I am not the only one out there, experiencing all these things, but I can talk about it, and maybe that will help someone else get help or resources.

So that is why I started this blog, and gave it, its name. I hope that it will help me find ways to refill my cup and to share what it on my plate. Maybe... I can share my pie that I made to.

Indy Star- Women Write their war stories

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