Bucket list 2016

This year it wont be about resolving to make any life altering changes.

Don’t worry. Nothing drastic.

But I want to do it a different way. Each week I want to remind myself of something…  so here it is.. my bucket list for 2016.

1.       Write something.. DAILY- Journal, Blog… but to write something both high point and low point.

2.       Make something..-DAILY.. draw, color, legos, paint.. something – ARTISTIC to channel my energy

3.       MORE  random acts of kindness- karma is real.

4.       Travel more. Even small day trips..
Get out and walk to see the sights. Be a local tourist.

5.       Take time for myself each day- to include meditation.

6.       Save more- by using all I have first.
Spend less by only- ONLY- O N L Y buying what we need.
Needs before Wants! ! !

7.       Snuggle with the kids more, read and play more with them

8.       STAY PASSIONATE about things that drive me… Veterans Issues (Women Vets)

9.       Time to read a book a month or listen to 2 a month.

10.   Keep planning my non-profit. So when its time, I will be ready.

11.   Help my Legion post grow and stay engaged in the community.

12.   Continue the Gingerbread house tradition

13.   Continue the community involvement with the family

14.   Try to make it to U.U. more on Sunday

15.   Keep better track of my priorities

16.   Be the change I want to see in the world.

17.   Spend  more time outside with my pets.

18.   Take time to learn a new receipt
1 nice sit down meal a month.

19.   Appriciate all the little things more, and rememeber that little gestures daily will always mean more then a single grand gesture once in a while.

20.   Stop expecting people to read my mind and say it.

21.   Be quick to love, and slow to judge

22.   BE- just be

23.   Prepare for my walk- A.T. 2017!!

24.   Keep organized, even if its just a single corner of my chaotic life

25.   Advocate for my children, my family, my way of life

26.   Remember each no leads me closer to a yes.

27.   Don’t be afraid to ask.

28.   Each day is a new first impression. Make it count.

29.   Take naps

30.   Sleep in

31.   Learn something each day –  Retain it- Share it!
YouTube it, NPR, Frontline, books

32.   Fact Check First!!- Site your sources-

33.   Ignore the status qu and be the individual I know I am.

34.   Carpe Deim

35.   More tattoos!!
My Hawk!
;
words of wisdom

36.   Know my past (genology), so I can help my furture

37.   Set goals- find my old lists.-what do I keep repeating- How can I accomplish it?
Small ones- daily/weekly
Average ones- monthly/3 months- things that require planning and excuation with feedback
6 month goals
Yearly
18 months
3 yrs
5yrs
10 yrs.

38.   Don’t let the past run my life, acknowledge when it makes itself known, and don’t let it hold me down. Find a way to honor the things it taught me, but to stop dwelling

39.   Simple and with love is best.

40.   10yr Vow Renewal!

41.   Don’t let life pass me by.

42.   Friendships matter!

43.   Avoid toxic people

44.   Smile

45.   Don’t ignore my health- physical and mental

46.   Don’t let my family ignore theirs either!

47.   Be thankful and count my blessings

48.   Spend quality time with my husband!

49.   Organization saves headaches later.

50.   Never under estimate the healing properties of a hot cup of tea/coffee and a good conversation

51.   Have more people over- even when the house isn’t perfect.

52.   I am allowed an off day, just learn from it.

53.   More bubble baths

54.   Visit more- and talk less

55.   Practice

56.   Be patient, and know when I need to take a break

57.   Listen to my body

58.   Fix it, if its broke
Keep it working with proper maintenance, before it needs big repairs

59.   Diversity and Differences make life interesting!

60.   Be weird- geeky- nerdy- smart- confindant- brave-advaentours-scared-worried- FEEL AND BE!

61.   Pro-active is better then reactive- allow for change when change needs to happen,

62.   Take pictures that matter-

63.   Help- even if its small, just physically being there is as important as being the problem solver

64.   Live a life worth remembering

65.   Drink more water

66.   Stretch

67.   Never underestimate a good pair of well made shoes, accessories, and clothing. Timeless Style!

68.   Stop paying retail whenever I can.

69.   Purge all the things that do not cause or bring joy to life.

70.   Watch the light, feel it, as it shifts throughout the day, and notice the colors

71.   Compliment more- complain less- offer to help

72.   Sing more

73.   Trust yourself more

74.   Seek advice, and take what you need from it, then leave the rest

75.   Find time to start getting ready to go back to school to finish my AS degree-

76.   Find a PT job, or Set Volunteer hrs.

77.   Find a way, look for the loopholes, and don’t stop trying to right the wrong

78.   Don’t make empty promises,

79.   Keep your word

80.   Know the priorities of the day, and of life.
Family’s need’s    &  My needs
Amos- Jocelyne- Balian- ME!
give your time, it is important to them. But teach them how to.. so they can when they need to.

81.   Get to a smoother morning routine, on school days – preplan?

82.   Stick to the after school homework routine- -priorities!

83.   Let the music happen. (*get ear plugs if needed)

84.    Let everyone know the game plan for the day, so we can all be on the same team.
Kids get the small details and tasks as they need them.

85.   I have a great partner- Amos is a wonderful husband and provider- I need to trust more.

86.   Know my cycles- work with the rythem life has given me, and shape it to do and be..
Meds don’t fix everything, they are a way to help.
Vet 2 Vet peer support!

87.   Its ok, to keep the records… but don’t dwell on the “facts” reported on by others.

88.   Honesty helps, but so does your character.

89.   Remember to work with the doctors to help- be involved- ask questions- give input

90.   Depression can drag you down, but you need to remember your skills on how you will get out of it.

91.   Moisturize-

92.   Posture

93.   Wear what makes you happy.

94.   When you represent, wear what makes then look good.

95.   Think before you speak. Give a brief back story. What’s important about it. And how you felt after that.

96.   – Make sure to get to the point- right way! So that the work that needs to be done can come out of that

97.   Never fear, change the perspective and how you feel will change as well. Everything can be a adventure, life lessons.

98.   Hug more people, shake more hands, interaction is vital for networking and resources.

99.   When life gets its grove going. Embrace the change the nautarl forces bring us, know they are for renewal. We gain and give energy out. Don’t let it over come you, let it help you along the way.

100. And tomorrow will be a new day.

When sharing isnt wanted...

This is a #firstworldproblem, but really its a throughout time problem. My family has been sharing the stomach bug since last Saturday. First it was my daughter, then son, now me, and round out the family, their dad/my husband. (*I actually think its great that I have to distinguish that.)

Contagious- Gastrointestinal Flu- And we (*the adults) even had our flu shots. I can track our unfriendly visit of the "Flu bug". To my daughters 3rd grade class. While some parents will wiggle with the schools, Fever of 99.5 and above, as well as 24 Full hours with OUT a vomiting episode. As a SAHM I can be here when they need to stay home.

So My daughter started to throw-up Saturday night after a day complaining of her belly hurting. That was fine, I kept her hydrated with Tea, and soft foods that are part of the BRATS diet. Yet Sunday hour 22 she vomited again, so I emailed the school, and let them know she would miss Monday. Monday night, more puke.. So no school. Her brother didnt go to school Monday for a different reason, his meds for some of his ASD issues had him in a zombie state, yeah his belly hurt to, but I thought it was for sympathy. Tuesday he has a Bad  day but on a scale of 1-10 i would give it a 7. And thats saying alot he has a LOT of 9-12 days.

So wednesday, both kids have sick notes for school and finally they look like they are both on the mend. YIPPIE- Turkey day with friends still as planned.

But that is when. . . i start to feel it...5hrs after me, their dad...

How quickly, can your body remember the last time it was sick. Last time it was like this, a while...

our daughter was healthy, as the standards go, so she asked to go to a family members house, and we said sure. last thing I want is to get her sick again. 

Yet, here I was, unable to sit or walk, I was crawling or just a total drain on my energy, I would give up and just lay on the floor. He and I were both like this, we would trade off with the recliner, the bed, and cold spots on the floor when our energy drained.

But here is the amazing heart warming part. Our son, who has ASD, (Asperger's), he has been taking care of us. running around the house to bring us motrin, water, blankets, a bucket when we cant make it to the bathroom. he is loving on us, just like we do with anyone who doesnt feel good.

How can the school see this child as a problem, defiant, manipulative... When I swear its the school that brings this out of him.

anyway back   to my first world problems...
my family was sick, *universal problem

But we have sanitation, running water, warm clothes, and insurance incase we need togo to the Doctor, as well as medicine to help our aches and pains.
We have each other, we have the day of *Thanksgiving* to not worry about work, and to be home to let it run its course.
we have food to eat that is recommended for our flu, and not just what we can scrounge. And
our son, has had no behavior issue, instead he has decided to take care of us- his parents.
our daughter, is healthy and with family so we dont have to worry about her.
Yeah, when I start to feel good I wish I wasn't contagious, but then I am glad that I could even consider that...because I can see why people die of the flu.. it sucks.

A healing journey

I am in art therapy, for my war trauma. I use War trauma  instead of PTSD, because of all the connotations that people have when they hear about PTSD... but I don't want to be defined by a label like that. Ironic because, I become this hermit, and avoid life during the hard months. The anxiety, the Deep Dark places that Depression takes me, panic attacks over small details that I have no control over, then there is the empty feeling, and feelings of worthlessness as well a guilt. HAHA-fun right.... Wrong.. Today I went back to bed once I got one of my kids on the bus, the other has been gross and vomiting for the last 4 days, (* Gross stomach bug), I made sure she was ok, had some Tylenol for her low grade fever, made her some toast, and hot tea with honey,  she already knew how to use the tv remote.. and I went to bed. I was done, exhausted, my lack of energy isnt even an issue, its so much of a nonissue, because those around me know I've already given up for the next 4-6 months anyway. 

Anyway to get back on topic, of why I started this blog when I have countless journals, and notebooks full of my writings... is my art therapist.

While I receive a service connection rating from the VA, i pay for art therapy out of pocket. Mostly because it has been the only way I could express myself when words failed me. I still take my meds, and wow they are always adjusting my meds. I still go to group, and to individual counseling.

I say words fail me, because a few days after my birthday (I shaved 90% of my head on my birthday), I spiraled out and I self-committed myself to the VA Psych ward. I couldnt stop crying. I was scaring my kids, I had used up all emotional reserves, I was stuck in fight/flight/freeze.. I only wanted to live to not put my kids through that. A few days prior I had my C&P exam to be reevaluated for my War Trauma, and its effects that its been having on my life. the effects the for 10 years only seem to compound each year. Art... art therapy is what is helping me keep my head above water.

Again, I drift away, but my Art therapist, listened to me talk about all that is and was going on in the last 2 to 3 weeks. All that was over whelming me and making me live at a constant 12 on a scale of 1-10.  And she asked me to make a pie... showing who and how I spend my time and day. What gets my attention and what doesn't. Its been a week, since that appointment. My kids are both sick, my husband might be getting what they are getting... and I dont sleep, just so I can have time for myself to process my day (s)..

Some days like today I stay in bed or go back to bed.. I know some will think I am lazy, but others, they will know.. They will understand the places that those unseen illness take you and how hard it is to get yourself to do just basic things.

My pie, hasnt been made, but my ideas are finally there. My plate.. my clock.. my day.. my calendar, all of it is... The things I spend my energy on, like my children, my pets, basic family errands, and appointments.. but the big thing is Advocating... for Veterans.

On the good days, I use my bad days to remind me that I am not the only one out there, experiencing all these things, but I can talk about it, and maybe that will help someone else get help or resources.

So that is why I started this blog, and gave it, its name. I hope that it will help me find ways to refill my cup and to share what it on my plate. Maybe... I can share my pie that I made to.

Indy Star- Women Write their war stories

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